I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
