Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
