In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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