Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
