I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
