I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize