I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
