R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My vagina is officially offended.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
