Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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