i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
