if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
