Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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