you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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