I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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