3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My vagina just recognized that song.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
