it was like his penis was on wheels.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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