went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
