Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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