Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize