Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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