yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I need a beard to bite.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
