He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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