sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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