she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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