I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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