I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
