i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
