I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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