just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
