i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
