I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
