wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
