it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize