I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
