How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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