I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Barsexuality is the new black.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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