not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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