dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
