Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
