he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize