I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
