WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
