So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
