This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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