He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
