its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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