I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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