You made me cry and you don't even care
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
