im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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