When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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