So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
