Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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