I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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