This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
