If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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