mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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