Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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