Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
