In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Who died my cat blue again?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
