so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
