Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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