I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
