I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
