I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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