3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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