he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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