im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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