Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
