At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
