i just had sex bonerless
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
