found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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